Do You Have Enough Time For A Good Marriage?

By Larry Bilotta

Let me ask you...do you know how many hours a day you SHOULD be spending on your marriage?

A happy, healthy marriage requires that time is spent WITH each other, ON each other and FOR each other. Unfortunately, most couples forget this and focus on other things they consider (at the time) to be a "priority".

So just what are some of the demands are married couples faced with?

o Planning and attending the children's events

o Fussing over wedding, shower, christening, birthday and anniversary gifts for loved ones

o Taking care of pets and day-to-day household chores

o Maintaining the home and vehicles

o Attending and preparing for church related events and gatherings

o Spending time with extended family and friends

Add to this the fact that some couples are faced with serious "road blocks" that put a great deal of pressure on their marriage such as:

o Dealing with a serious illness in the family

o Elderly parent moving into the house

o An affair

o A serious accident

o Financial struggles such as bankruptcy or maxed out credit cards

o Loss of a child or loved one

o And the list goes on...

In order to put each spouse's time into perspective, let's take a look at what they do during a typical 168 hour week:

Activity Time Spent Time remaining in the week

Sleep: 8 hrs/day | 56 hrs/week - *112 hr remaining

Job/Travel: 9 hrs/day | 45 hrs/week - *67 hrs remaining

Eating & Prep: 2 hrs/day | 14 hrs/week - *53 hr remaining

Kids issues & events: 3 hrs/day | 21 hrs/week - *32 hr remaining

Household maintenance: 1 hrs/day | 7 hrs/week - *25 hr remaining

Phone conversations: 1.5 hrs/day | 10.5 hrs/week - *14.5 hr remaining

Friends/Social life: 1.5 hrs/day | 10.5 hrs/ week - *4 hr remaining

And where do those last 4 hours go?

According to the A.C. Nielsen Co., the average American watches more than four hours of TV each day (28 hours per week / two months of non-stop TV-watching per year). Let's not focus on the idea that in a 65-year lifetime, a person will have spent nine years in front of a TV!

But let's not assume that you are the average TV watcher. In fact, if you're reading this article, you're probably not watching anywhere NEAR that much TV. Instead, ask yourself: Do you have enough time for a good marriage?

To answer this question, we'll need to discover what a "good marriage" REALLY is, and then we'll discover the actual amount of time a "good marriage" requires in terms of hours per week. I have worked for many years now teaching married couples what they WISH they had learned BEFORE they got married.

I can explain what a good marriage is based on and what men and women need to be happy in marriage. In fact, I'll get right down to it....

A man needs sexual intimacy and respect.

A woman needs financial security and emotional security.

Period.

When I work with couples, I give them these definitions and then ask them to give me a percentage on how much they are getting these needs on a 100% to 0% scale.

Over the years, I have found that in all good marriages, they each give me a rating between the 80% to 100% range. This means that a husband's wife builds him up, overlooks his faults, looks for what's good about him and takes a genuine...well, let me not waste words.

I'll explain it concisely by showing you what a Real Wife and a Real Husband does to create a happy marriage using my Real Husband and Real Wife definitions which you can download here: rel=nofollow http://www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com/real.pdf

In a perfect world, men and women would have these two signs posted their bathroom so they could read it on a consistent basis while they prepare for their busy day. I guarantee that any couple who even comes close to these definitions would tell you they are generally very happy in their marriage.

So how much TIME does it take to create this ideal marriage? After dealing with all the day-to-day life issues listed on the time chart you saw earlier, the remaining hours left for your marriage could EASILY be spent on watching TV.

TV is easy. It requires no thinking, no physical activity, no interaction with other people and no sacrifice on your part. You just sit down and let the cares of the day slowly drift away while you consume yourself with your favorite TV show.

The Neilson study about time use dramatizes the fact that Television is the #1 form of entertainment in the Nation. Nothing else even comes close in terms of time commitment. Americans in general are looking for the easy life that Television delivers.

It's a fact that no relationship is as intense, demanding or as fulfilling as a marriage can be. It is the toughest, yet the most rewarding relationship you can have with another person. So WHY then do we choose to make EVERYTHING ELSE our top priority while we leave only 4 measly hours a week devote to our marriage?

Now think about this because I guarantee you haven't before. Does anyone actually care about the health of YOUR relationship, your connection with each other and your marriage? In this society, marriage is the goose that lays the golden eggs and my point is no one really cares about the goose.

Let me prove my point that your marriage is the goose and everyone wants your "golden eggs". Your children don't care about your marriage .....until mom and dad are in big trouble and can't stop fighting. Both sets of your parents don't care about YOUR marriage.

In reality they care about their own son or daughter in the marriage, not the marriage itself. Your extended family members don't care about YOUR marriage ...but they do care that you bring a gift for nephews, nieces and come to the party...but they have nothing to say about your marriage.

Friends don't care about YOUR marriage.They are polite to you as a couple, but really care about you as individuals...the person they knew BEFORE the wedding.

Your kid's school won't care about your marriage. They just need to know which one of you is going to volunteer for the fund drive or show up for parent teacher night.

It's rare for churches - synagogues to care for your marriage. For most, it's just not on their radar. They have no preventative maintenance program for married couples to keep them from falling into disrepair.

When it comes to assets, the goose of your marriage has got the goods. Marriage makes the two of you more stable and financially successful because of your union. Together you produce the golden eggs that build a strong Nation. Marriage has been ignored in this country thought it is the most VALUABLE and BENEFICIAL of all relationships.

No one has suggested "National Marriage Day" to bring to light the fact that marriages must be cared for and nurtured. We must protect the goose that lays the golden eggs. Instead what we have is a "goose killing society" because they don't understand marriage.

When a marriage falls apart, friends, relatives, coworkers, schools, and even religious organization don't know what to tell you. They don't know what to do because very few people understand what it takes to create a successful marriage and even FEWER people know why marriages fall apart.

With this background in mind, it's easy to see how the two of you will be influenced to put your priorities where everyone says your priorities should be...ON THEM! This is the reason your time, (one of the goose's major assets) is freely given away to everyone else and only 4 hours a week is left for the male and female halves of the goose, to take care of itself.

If no one cares about the health of your marriage and the two of you don't care either, then where does that leave your family? Who will care enough to keep your marriage together if the two of you don't even know how? Who in this society will strengthen your marriage if not the two of you?

The answer is NO ONE...because no one cares about the goose. And this brings me to my conclusion that... "Only a HEALTHY Goose Can Lay Golden Eggs"

Hopefully you can now see that your marriage is the goose that lays the golden eggs. Together, you create secure and successful children that will shape our future and the future of our Grandchildren.

Together, you pay the taxes that run our cities, the mortgages that build new homes and create the wealth of society. It is as husband and wife that the two of you contribute to a strong society. Together, your savings and investments make this a stronger Nation...as a union, the two of you lay the golden eggs that contribute to our great Nation...and the prosperity of every human being on the planet for that matter.

So how do you take care of the goose, how to you keep your marriage strong? You must talk to each other to strengthen the goose. Talk...as in CONVERSATION, not just in passing. Talking, sharing ideas and listening to each other takes time and 4 hours a week is the absolute MINIMUM amount of time that you should spend doing this activity.

Talk openly and be sure not to criticize each other while you are talking. This will add depth to your relationship and keep your marriage strong. Probably the most well worn piece of marriage advice is to plan a "date night" on a regular basis.

You plan that date and suddenly the world of demanders comes and tries to steal even that little time from the goose. Don't let it happen. Take a closer look at all the time restraints on your marriage that you would normally use to serve the needs of others and remember that Only a Healthy Goose Lays Golden Eggs, and improving your marriage takes time. It will not happen overnight.

You need to be in a good state of mind when the two of you face the unexpected and uninvited troubles of life that might take the form of bankruptcy, a sick child, or various kinds of addictions that could affect either of you.

If collectively, you are not a "healthy goose", those troubles can rip the goose apart and one-million five hundred thousand divorces a year prove it. In times of trouble, you must talk to each other MORE, not less. To talk, you need to feel safe with each other. To feel safe, both of you need to really listen to each other without judgment.

If you have to vent your troubles and worries, take turns, then put it all behind you. IT ALL TAKES TIME. Give your marriage the time and the world will continue to thank you for your golden eggs.

Wondering if there's still hope for your marriage? Discover how to save your marriage. Get FREE tips and advice to help you get your marriage back on track the RIGHT WAY at Larry Bilotta's [http://www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com]Marriage Saving web site http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com

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Save Your Marriage By Knowing the Risk Factors for Divorce

By D DeCoteau

If you have gotten to the point that you need help saving your marriage and identifying risk factors that are working against your marriage from the start, then you need the best information available now to save your marriage today from destruction and becoming another divorce statistic.

If you want to help save your marriage you must know that marriages either grow or they crumble, they don't remain passive, meaning that a secure marriage isn't one where things are always the same. A strong, solid marriage is a marriage where one never stops trying to make things better.

If you want to help save your marriage today and understand why your marriage has gotten to this point you need to understand the behaviors that will lead you to further destruction or will help you strengthen and help save your marriage.

If you want help to save your marriage today you must begin by identifying the top six risk factors of divorce today. Many marriages are challenged and start off with many risk factors, while others marriages begin with factors that are in their favor (good risk factors).

If you want to save your marriage today, you must also know that these are only risk factors, not determining factors for marriage survival. If you have more risk factors against you, this may mean you will need to seek extra help such as expert help or counseling to work through the issues in your marriage to be able to stop a divorce or separation.

These factors are the things you can't change but...

You may need help to save your marriage if you married in your teens. Statistics show that if you marry before twenty that this may be the most powerful and consistent risk predictor of marital stability.

You may need help to save your marriage if you lived together before marriage. Despite the widespread prevalence of this belief, the evidence says living together before marriage considerably increases the chances of divorce, unless you were already engaged beforehand and marry soon after moving in together.

You may need help to save your marriage if your parents or your partner's parents were divorced. Statistics prove that children of divorce are more likely to divorce themselves, this risk doubles if both partners are children of divorced parents.

You may need help to save your marriage if you had a child together before marriage. However, couples with children have a slightly lower risk of divorce than childless couples.

You may need help to save your marriage if you haven't been married long. The longer you've been married the more likely you are to stay married. The first two years are the most critical, but half of all divorces happen by the seventh year of marriage.?

You may need help to save your marriage if your annual income is less than $25,000. The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers considers financial problems to be one of the five top reasons for divorce.

If you need help saving your marriage you may be at ease knowing that the following predictors are in your favor. These predictors apply to when you were married and do not include factors such as good communication and conflict resolution skills that you now currently possess in your marriage.

You were both older when you were married. Marrying after age 25 decreases your chances of divorce because you tend to be more mature and clearer in what your looking for in your partner.

You share the same religious beliefs. This tends to give a marriage a higher purpose and brings you together on a spiritual level. These shared religious values can help keep your marriage growing together, as opposed to apart.

You have some higher education, this decrease the chances of divorce in comparison to a high-school drop out.

Your parents are still together and what you learned about marriage comes from watching your parents. If you've learned strategies that helped your parents stay together your chances of divorce decrease.

Your income is above $50,000, couples in this income bracket tend to experience less stress over money.

You have a child together, couples with children again, have a lower risk of divorced compared to childless couples.?


Keys to a successful marriage really boil down to three things; people want to stay, people feel they ought to stay in their marriage, people feel they have to stay. It is not luck and love. This personal, moral and structural commitment is what keeps marriages together, not happiness. Research shows us that unhappy periods in a marriage are not predictors of our future. If you want to save your marriage consider these factors, but do not rely on them solely, if you need help to save your marriage, then seek it.Statistics also shows that couples who were unhappy with their marriage who stayed together were happier or very happy five years later.

If you have gotten to the point that you need help saving your marriage and identifying factors that are working against your marriage from the start then check out [http://SaveMyMarriageTodayOnline.Info/]SaveMyMarriageTodayOnline.Info

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Marriage Help - 3 Unusual Marriage Help Tips To Help Your Marriage Flourish In Love

By Anne Amore
Even setting the intention to seek marriage help will begin the process of change that will manifest help for a failing marriage. Acknowledging you need marriage help is the first and hardest step. Now you have opened yourself up to the idea of seeking marriage help, the new knowledge and wisdom you need to heal your marriage can come to you. Here are 3 unusual marriage help tips to help you put the love and togetherness back into your married life....

Dreaming, not screaming, helps your marriage

If you and your marriage partner are screaming at each other, you might want to consider seeking professional help and guidance from a marriage counsellor to heal your rifts. However, try this first: recapture the dream of what you first wanted this marriage to be. Talk or think about when you first met each other, and what attracted you to one another. Share some of your favourite romantic or intimate memories. Bring up some of those really special or thoughtful things your partner did for you. Tell them how much you loved and appreciated that time when he or she did ...(fill in the blank)... for you. Thank them again for giving you that experience. The more you can recapture these memories and shared experiences, the more you can bring that beautiful loving energy back into the present to heal and provide energetic marriage help. From this space, start to discuss what you would like your marriage to be like. Get into a feeling space of what it would be like to have your marriage just the way you want it. Let your desire inspire and excite you. With passion, you can renew your commitment to making this marriage wonderful.
Screwing, not stewing, helps marriages

Marriage help is needed when sexual relations have broken down and been replaced by argument and recrimination. Stop stewing over perceived slights and hurts. Take a deep breath and upgrade your soul with forgiveness. That means let it all go! Dump your toxicity. What you want is a committed marriage full of passion, romance and love. So now you are clear and specific on that you have clear targets to work towards. Start by loving yourself, getting in touch with the love and acceptance within. Do yourself and your partner the service of improving your health and fitness, taking an effort with your appearance, and putting your attention and intention into creating relationship magic. Start showing more affection and warmth to your partner. Melt that iceberg with genuine warmth, care and respect! And as soon as you can, get the intimacy, romance and passion going again between the sheets if you want some serious marriage help.

Flying, not crying, will help marriage

Moping around won't fix a thing. Get up and get busy with your marriage. You want marriage help? It's easy. Stop doing all the crappy things you've been doing and start doing things differently. Commit to creating a fantastic marriage and work at it. Experiment, try different things, follow your intuition -- it resides in your heart. Just get off that damned hamster wheel of habitual ways of acting and reacting to each other. Love is a verb, it's something that you do. You want a fabulous love-filled marriage, don't you? Of course you do! So move quickly. Act decisively. Break up the old ways and patterns. Challenge yourself to bring about this revolution in your life and imagine it full of this vital passionate energy. Marriage help is yours to grab, so reach out and start the process as fast as you can. This is so important. Give your whole energy to this. You deserve a beautiful, love-filled marriage ... and you can and will create it.

Marriage mentors

Get help for your marriage from the ultimate private source of first-class marriage help. It comes in rel=nofollow The 50 Secrets to Blissful Relationships, a compilation of the love strategies and secrets used to build the top 1% of long-term, love-filled, happily-ever-after marriages. These couples spilled the secrets that they used to overcome relationship challenges and build wonderful marriages, you won't find a better source of genuine 'been there, done that' marriage help. It will shortcut your journey to a wonderful love marriage.
Copyright 2007 Anne Amore ~ 'May you be now and forever blessed by love. And so it is.'
Want a 'fairy tale' marriage? They do exist! Don't miss out! Discover the secrets to a blissful relationship at: http://www.blissfulrelationship.com your number one resource for ensuring a lifetime of wedded love. It could be the ultimate at-home-and-in-private reference for super marriage help.

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Love and Marriage - 3 Ways to Make Your Love Marriage A Marriage Full Of Love

By Anne Amore
When Frank Sinatra crooned, 'Love and marriage, love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage,' he was singing a universal truth. Without love, marriage is just a business arrangement. You want more than that from your marriage. You want the full fairy tale of wedded bliss, the fireworks of love, passion and romance. The funny thing is that if you want all that you do have to get down to business in your marriage. Here are 3 ways to ensure your marriage is full of love....

Do you like this couple?

Your love marriage vows

Presuming your marriage is or was based initially on a mutual love attraction you have the perfect ingredients to guarantee a lifetime of married love. Remember your marriage vows. Marriage vows are legal declarations of love and the promise to love each other for a lifetime. They are truly significant and magical parts of a marriage ceremony and need to be honoured and treated with respect. You and your partner make a vow to love each other. A vow is the most solemn and earnest of promises. It is an unbreakable commitment. Treat it like that and it will become so for you. When you acknowledge your total commitment to that vow, you will move heaven and earth to make sure you keep your promise. You're gonna love your partner whether he or she likes it or not!

Love and marriage go together

Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage not only because they sound like a perfect match, but also because they forge a working alliance and they make a journey together. You and your marriage partner are going on a journey together. You have united as a team. Sometimes it will be you 'pulling the cart'. Sometimes it will be your partner. The best love marriages occur when you pull the cart together and are heading in the same direction! Be prepared to take 100% responsibility for taking your marriage where you want it to go. Pour your love into your marriage. Sweat for your marriage -- that's real love!

You can't disparage love and marriage

The love marriage is an 'institute you can't disparage'. That's an elementary fact if you want a lifetime of wedded bliss. To disparage means to belittle or disrespect. Sometimes it seems like much of the media is hellbent on disparaging love and marriage. There really aren't that many role models of long-term loving marriages being paraded in the media. Don't buy into their paradigm of a world where love marriages are unlikely, funny or doomed to divorce. Respect your love marriage, give it attention and care. Work hard and creatively to keep the chemistry bubbling between you and your beloved.

Love is a verb enacted in marriage

Love and marriage, you can't have one without the other. Marry these two together to forge an unshakeable alliance. Don't be lazy and wait for love to keep happening to you. That's a sure way for your marriage to slide off the rails. Emotions require you to get into motion. That mean's get off your butt and do something. Love in marriage is a verb. It's something that you choose to do. You consciously choose to love your partner and demonstrate that love through your actions, choices and words.

So what actions, choices and words will you use to grow this incredible love marriage of yours every single day? Why not emulate the love strategies and secrets that have built the most successful, most fulfilling marriages? It makes sense to discover and copy directly what the top 1% of long-term happy couples do to build terrific marriages. That's exactly what is contained in rel=nofollow The 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships. Consider shortcutting your learning curve with this resource and taking 100% responsibility for the health of your married life and love relationship. This is the way to a lifetime of love and marriage happiness.

Want a 'fairy tale' relationship? They do exist! Don't miss out! Discover the secrets to a blissful relationship at: http://www.blissfulrelationship.com your top tips resource for ensuring your love and marriage grow more joyful and fulfilling every day!

Copyright 2007 Anne Amore ~ May you be now and forever blessed. And so it is.

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Marriage and Relationships - Do You Know the 7 Secrets to Keeping Passion Alive in Your Marriage?

By Barbara Calvi

Secret #1 -- Create intimacy and bonding. You do this outside of the bedroom by really listening to your partner.When your partner talks, give them your full attention, look them in the eye and use active listening skills.

Secret #2 -- Develop a mutual love language. we can't talk about sex without words. However, some words may be acceptable or even arousing to you but may be bothersome to your partner. Discuss ahead of time words and phrases that are acceptable to both of you for various body parts and acts. Note that some words may be bothersome in casual conversation but very sexy when you are aroused.

Secret #3 -- Use requests instead of criticism. Instead of saying to your partner, "You don't ever...." in an attempt to get them to do something specific when having sex, figure out what it is you really want instead and then ask for it in a very inviting way. "Tonight I would love it if you would..."

Secret #4 -- Share your ideal love making experience. Let each other know what is the image in your head of what makes an ideal love making experience.

Secret #5 -- Vary your sexual routine. For most couples, after a while sex is pretty routine in terms of what people do, how long they do it, how they do it and where they do it. Most people eventually fall into the 15-30 minutes long just before bed or first thing in the morning category. Remember to add in the quickie once in a while (good to peak spontaneity and surprise) AND the more luxurious and romantic longer version once a month or so.

Secret #6 -- Share your erotic maps. Maybe you've changed what you like or what you are interested in doing since the beginning of your relationship.

Secret #7-- Be very specific about what turns you on and what techniques you want your partner to do. Don't expect your partner to read your mind. We usually don't get what we want unless we ask.

I invite you to use these 7 tips to bring some spark back into your marriage and your sex life.

I would also like to offer you my Free Report: 21 Ways to Renew Fun, Love and Passion" when you subscribe to my newsletter, "Love Your Love Relationship," a monthly newsletter with tips, advice and insights on creating stronger, healthier, and more passionate marriages. You can have access to both at http://www.Beatthemarriageoddscounseling.com You can also find more tips and writings on creating better marriages at http://www.Beatthemarriageodds.typepad.com or http://www.Beatthemarriageodds.typepad.com/affairrecovery

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Marriage and Relationship Problems - How to Fix Your Marriage

By Pete Koerner

Most people get married for the wrong reasons; it's as simple as that. Given that, it shouldn't be a surprise that most marriages are not the blissful unions most young girls hope for and dream about. And, since most marriages are not bastions of happiness and harmony, it certainly stands to reason that something was missing from the beginning. Think about the married people you know. The happy couples are few and far between; and many of them are actually faking-it in order to uphold their illusion of perfection. The fact is that most marriages end in divorce and/or unhappiness. To fix your marriage, you'll need to get back to basics and start with the fundamentals of any good relationship.

Start with being honest with yourself. Would you want to be married to you; or are you simply seeking a mate to fulfill your own personal ideal of what "your" marriage should be? The fact is that, while anyone could learn to be a good partner, most people are not taught these skills in life - and are probably too lazy or unmotivated to learn them. Western culture and society essentially programs people to be selfish and self-centered; if you want a good relationship, you are going to have to cure yourself of this - and then find someone else who has overcome or avoided this personality pitfall. Relationships are give-and-take affairs - with an emphasis on "giving."

The next fundamental relationship saver is: Effective communication. You need to learn how to talk to each other and communicate your true agenda. If you don't share common goals in a relationship, you're not going to be blissfully happy; and, if you don't communicate effectively, you won't know what your goals truly are. Strong relationships require a lot of attention and focus. You need to have an incentive to drag your attention away from sports, video games, the Internet, talk shows and shopping in order to shun the unimportant for what is truly valuable in life. Again, Western culture and technology has a hypnotic grasp on most people and monopolizes their time and attention. In order to have a strong relationship, you must give the Lion's share of your focus to your partner. You cannot communicate effectively when you're wrapped-up in the typical life - but you can live a typical, mundane, unfulfilling life that way.

There is an old saying that tells us that the best thing we can do with our human lives is to give them away. Selflessness and sacrifice are truly keys to peace and happiness. In a relationship, however, both partners need to practice these skills. If only one person cares about their partner's desires and the health of the relationship, then you have one practicing being selfish while the other practices victim-hood. An easy place to start is by making a conscious effort to be kind and gracious always. Don't judge each other for shortcomings or failure to master this new approach; but give them a good example of kindness and unconditional love. Trust me when I say that this practice mostly benefits the one who uses it. You may not be able to manipulate your partner into being nicer - and that isn't the point - but you will certainly receive countless benefits as the practice of unconditional, unwavering niceness becomes a part of you and your life.

With Honesty, Communication, and Selflessness, you can heal your relationship - with yourself as well as with a willing partner. If you don't have a willing partner, don't feel bad - feel happy that you discovered this as early as you did so you don't have to fight against unyielding disappointment and sadness. Your life is valuable; you are valuable. These things should not be wasted playing into another's self-pity and selfishness. If you can master these relationship skills, you'll be better equipped to choose a better partner and build a better, stronger relationship next time around. Either way, you can have a much happier relationship if you take the time to learn what kind of relationship you want and how to get it, create it and maintain it.

*To download your FREE, Illustrated Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) Manual, go to: http://www.ExploreExpandEvolve.com/free_download/ It only takes about 10-seconds to get your Free EFT manual and start erasing fears, resentment, stress, anxiety, grief, negative emotions, negative self-talk, phobias, and limiting beliefs that could be holding you back and limiting your life, health, and relationships.

Pete Koerner is the author of The Belief Formula: The Secret to Unlocking the Power of Prayer. The Belief Formula is a look at how you can use ancient wisdom and modern scientific awareness to learn how to use your mind to reclaim your health and create the life of your dreams.

For a Free Report on Making The Belief Formula Work for You, visit: http://www.TheBeliefFormula.com (This report focuses on improving your health with your thoughts.)

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Do You Have a Happy Relationship? Happy Marriages Are Not Born, They Are Built

By Mary J. Miller

Sometimes, it can feel as if everyone around you has a happy marriage but you. Maybe your friends all make you sick because they are so good to each other and seem to truly enjoy each other's company, but all you and your husband can do is fight. Why should this be? Why do all your friends seem to have satisfied, happy relationships but you are left wanting more?

It sounds as if you need to refresh yourself a little about marriage in order to get the relationship you are truly longing for. For starters, how to get to that good loved and contented feeling in your relationship everyday.

You Are A Couple

When you are in a marriage, it can often seem as if the hopes and dreams of one half of the marriage are offset because of life's responsibilities, but the thing is that this doesn't have to always be the case. Sure you both have hopes and dreams and sometimes, they are the same, but other times, these hopes and dreams are completely different. As a couple, you should have joint goals and dreams, but still be allowed to pursue your personal goals as well.

Sometimes, this can be difficult, especially if it seems that your goals are pulling you away from your spouse. There will be times that you will have to decide what is more important to you as a couple and to you as an individual entity. Sometimes, these choices need to be made to have a happy relationship, or even in an effort to save your marriage, but many times, sacrifices can be well worth it in the end.

Don't Blame

Now this can be really hard to do, especially when it feels as if everything is going wrong. Occasionally there are problems, such as financial problems, that can be due to one partner's bad decision making. Instead of blaming your partner, try to incorporate ways that the problem will never happen again. For instance, if it's a financial problem you're facing, tell each other that you will never do anything "big" financially without first consulting with your partner and then stick to your plan. You have to communicate here to ever have a solid foundation to build your happy marriage on.

Stop playing the "blame game", though. The one who screwed up knows they did and they know that they have caused financial trouble within the relationship. For you to blame them only further causes feelings of guilt and inadequacy, so stop doing it.

A lasting relationship has a delicate balance between communication, connection and the ability to be an individual. If you want to know how to have a happy marriage, it's important to try to meet that balance in your own relationship. Don't worry, it can be done and it's not that hard, its actually a lot easier than you think to build an intimate happy relationship.

Mary Miller provides you with tips for a lasting relationship. To enjoy an intimate relationship with your someone special, you need to know the [http://happytogetherforever.com/happy-365-7-step-system-to-a-juicy-intimate-relationship-review/]secrets to a happy marriage. You can be happy everyday by visiting 'Happy Together Forever' http://happytogetherforever.com/

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How to Save Your Marriage - The Absolute Best Way to Re-Build Your Relationship and Marriage

By Jennie J. Hernandez

In relationships, nothing is perfect. You have to face travails and succeed in dealing with them together with your partner. You both have to learn from your mistakes and try not to do things that hurt each other the most in the course of being together. You have to learn how to save your marriage before a tiny problem can lead to damaging effects that might cause for your foundation to be dissolved.

You must build a strong foundation from the start. Marriage is a learning process. Sometimes, you may not want what you have learned but this doesn't mean that you must give up on everything. It only means that you are like others, your relationship is not perfect. So the best thing that you can do in order to save your marriage is learn to accept facts. You have to love your partner unconditionally. And you must be willing to bend according to changes and to accommodate everything that you might have found out in the process.

A good foundation will come in handy at times when your marriage becomes rocky. There will be lots of times wherein you have to start from scratch in order to save your marriage. But the good thing about this is that if you are very sure that it is all worth fighting for.

Building a strong foundation is one thing. If this foundation will be marred by intrigues, hatred and other problems, you have to keep trying and think about how strong that foundation was. This will give you better chances into holding on and keeping up with the fight.

Here are some recommendations as to what you can do when you have been faced with obstacles that almost dissolved such good foundation of your marriage.

1. Talk things out with your husband or wife. You have to let your partner know how you feel. You have to make them aware how much you are hurting. You must not process such feeling by yourself. There are maybe things that you don't fully understand because you are being blinded by your jealousy or hatred. By saying how you feel and what your thoughts are about the issues regarding your marriage, there is no other else that you should be speaking with but your partner.

In this process, you must also learn how to listen. This means that you have to open your mind and heart to possibilities and other things that you may not believe at the start. You must let your partner speak their feelings and you should give them a chance to be heard and understood.

2. You may find it hard to forgive, but in a relationship, you must perfect such act. No matter what your partner had done, if your heart tells you that they have to be forgiven, listen to it. Sometimes, your mind gives you 101 reasons why you should not forgive. But when you listen closely to what is the one thing that your heart is saying, your problems will be resolved and you will be able to see things at a different perspective.

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What He Wants From His Wife

If you have been married to your husband for a while, you might think like most women do, that he should be able to read your mind and know what makes you happy. However, being the complicated humans that women are, most of the time, the man in your life has no clue what’s on your mind. Women tend to send mixed signals to the men they love, almost as if they are trying to keep them guessing or on their toes.

Since the beginning of time, men have always felt responsible for the happiness of their wife. Even though he might not tell you so, the thought of you being unhappy is painful to your husband. If he feels he cannot please you, that is when he begins to act as if he doesn’t care.

Many married women believe their husbands should know that they are happy, even if outwardly they don’t show it. This is not the case. Men cannot read their minds. They need constant reassurance. Women need to show them, to let them know, in no uncertain terms, specifically when they are happy with them. When a husband does something that produces immediate feedback, this is how he knows to repeat that behaviour. If you like what he did, and he doesn’t see a reaction from you, he will most likely assume his efforts were wasted.

When your verbal and non-verbal signals tell your husband how happy you are, he will take it personally and it will empower him. He has accomplished what he was put on this earth to do, which is to make you happy. It gives him a feeling of contentment and does much for his self-worth.

This secret is but a taste of what you will learn in this link (What Husbands Can't Resist) “What Husbands Can’t Resist.” Based on 17 years of clinical experience, you will discover the secrets to true intimacy with your husband that last a lifetime. Your marriage can improve by simply clicking here. (What Husbands Can't Resist)

Do You Desire Love and Marriage? How Should You Prepare Yourself?

By Tony Tate

The rate of new love and marriages is rising as fast as the divorce rate. That forces the question - are people really falling in love? If they are then why is the divorce rate so high? Isn't love enough? Where is the commitment? Love and marriage are still important to people. So what is the deal? Why is the divorce rate still climbing?

Love and marriage happens everyday but that's not true for every one. Perhaps most people don't really give themselves a chance to fall in love for the right reasons. One reason for this is that people don't really get to know each other before having sex, making a commitment and getting married, all in that wrong order. When a couple begins dating both people are usually on there best behavior. In other words they have put up a front or façade. This can continue for a while. People don't really get to see the actual character of a person sometimes until after about a year or so. This is because during the dating phase you wont get into situations together that will test what you are made of.

How long before love and marriage should you date? How do you know if you should make a commitment?
After about a year when the newness of the relationship is wearing off couples begin to face more of life's situations together. They begin to see how one another react under stress and handle situations outside the dating scene bubble. This is time you should decide if love and marriage and a commitment is what you want with this person. This is the time you will find out what the other person is made of in tough situations.

Sex
If you have been able to abstain from sex in the relationship you are better prepared to make clear good decisions. Sex will cause you to overlook or ignore things that may be important to you. Sex itself in not enough of a reason to get married. Sex certainly can't hold it all together for you.
Love and marriage is one of the most important commitments you will ever make. Abstinence is not a popular dating tip for men and women these days, but it is a good dating tip. From your first date until your last date, if you don't marry, should be conducted with respect to each other. If he/she is not willing to abstain with you he/she is probably not the one you are looking for. If it turns out that you are not compatible with the person you are seeing you should leave the goods undamaged (emotional goods). That means you should be able to get to know one another without making the sexual connection so that if you get to the point where you decide to end the relationship the emotional pain is minimized. Sometimes couples end up getting married simply because they have been having sex.

The plus side to arriving at love and marriage through getting to know one another, and abstaining from sex is that you will have been able to make sound decisions about your relationship without the influence of sex. You will know what it is you love about your mate and why you want to marry them. None of your feelings of love will be rooted in sex.

Love
Sex is a truly unstable foundation for a relationship because it is not designed to be so. In love you have patience, kindness, the absence of jealousy, pride and boastfulness. In love there no rudeness. Love does not demand it's own way. Love is not easily irritated and doesn't keep a record of wrongs done against it. Love is never glad about injustice and always rejoices when truth wins. Love never gives up. This is the kind of strength you want as the foundation of a relationship. If you have these things in place then after marriage sex will function as the tool of intimacy it was meant to be.

Sex outside marriage
If however you find yourself engaging in sex before you see the function of true love, and, before marriage you will have tainted any chance of ever knowing for sure if you are getting married for the right reasons. You can' t be sure if your new mate will be faithful to you.

Sex is a powerful connection meant for marriage. Outside of marriage it has the power to destroy relationships instead of enhancing them. How many marriages have ended because of infidelity? Sex can be addictive. How many people do you know who have developed such a taste for sex before marriage that they can't be faithful to the person they are married to? Remaining abstinent will help you determine if you are with a person who is in control of him/herself.

Love and marriage is not for the faint hearted. It is hard enough to build a relationship and keep your commitment. So, why don't you begin your time together the right way? Give your relationship time. Abstain from sex outside of marriage in order to keep your ability to make clear and right decisions about the relationship. In doing so you will ensure that you are getting married for the right reason - the stable foundation of love and not the unstable foundation of sex.



[http://www.tony-tate.com]The Mechanics of Faith Is a website where I hope to share some insight to growing in faith, learning to trust God's word. As I learn a will give any tips and instruction that will hopefully be of use to the readers of The Mechanics of Faith Web site.



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Marriage and Relationships - Is it Self Or Service and Are You Ready?

By Tracy Riley

Anytime you are considering a commitment such as marriage, love can blind you to reality. As we all know, over 50% of marriages end in divorce. That rate is even higher for 2nd and 3rd marriages. It is important to go into any relationship with your eyes wide open.

Often times, the "real" person you are dating does not show up right away. He/she sends their best representative to the relationship. It is imperative that you know the person you want to commit to and not the person you think he/she is. This requires spending time together, having open and honest communication, and not rushing any decisions about a future together.

Topics to openly discuss and hopefully agree on prior to marriage include finances, child rearing, extended family relations and the division of household duties. As a family therapist, I recommend putting pen to paper and making sure that these are areas that you can agree on prior to saying "I do". If family is a first priority, how will these things change if one parent stays home to care for the children? If both parents continue working, what will the child care plan be?

Don't be fooled by large promises, if there is no evidence to support a claim early in the relationship. A guy who lives like a slob isn't going to suddenly become neat because someone else is around that likes everything neat and orderly. Someone who spends money impulsively may have a difficult time reigning in that spending habit.

People have said to me "I don't know who I am married to, it's like we never dated". Too many times, people enter a marriage with the idea of changing their partner. As you may already know, this rarely happens successfully. Instead of focusing on what the other person can do to make the relationship better, you will have to focus on yourself. The reality is that you are the only one that you can change.

Relationships do take work. Marriage should not be described as a 50/50 endeavor, but rather 2 people giving 100% of themselves to the relationship. At times, one or the other may have to give what seems like more than 100%. There may be times when it seems that all you do is give to the other person. If you notice these patterns before marriage, take note. Someone who is used to receiving may not want to start giving in return.

Today's society continues to be geared towards what we can get from others. It is vital to focus on what you can give to your significant other, when entering a relationship or wanting to see change for the better. Focusing on someone else can give you a sense of fulfillment that focusing on yourself will never provide.

When considering marriage, be prepared to lose a little of self, invest in another person and watch a dynamic duo emerge. If possible, seek assistance from a trusted friend or parent who has been married for many years. Arguments and disagreements are unavoidable at times, but with proper planning and a strong commitment, your marriage can be hugely successful, making you a statistic for having a lengthy relationship-not ending in divorce.

With a strong desire to help families live healthy, happy lives, Tracy has devoted her life to working with children and families. This interest has been the driving factor behind her commitment to education both formally and by career experience. Tracy earned her Master's Degree in Social Work from Florida State University after having already secured her Bachelor's Degree in Social Work from Auburn University.

Tracy has become well versed in domestic and international adoptions. She can answer all questions regarding the homestudy process and can assist you with starting in your adoption journey. Before becoming the Founder and Executive Director for The Adoption Authority, Tracy completed numerous homestudies and post placement visits for several agencies throughout Georgia and Florida.

Tracy is a dedicated professional who has worked with countless families regarding parenting concerns, including children with special needs, behavior issues, and developmental disabilities. Detail oriented, Tracy has studied the dynamics of merging families and developed strategies and techniques to minimize the impact on children and parents.



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Is Marriage an Outdated Institution?

By William Berry

According to the most recent statistics, the divorce rate, often quoted (even by this author in classes) as 50% of marriages, is actually closer to the low 40 percentile. (Divorce Rate: It's Not as High as You Think, By Dan Hurley, The New York Times, April 19, 2005). But that does not negate the fact that the United States has the highest divorce rate in the world per capita. The fact that so many American marriages end in divorce leads to the question is marriage an outdated institution? I think the answer is dependent on some of your personal variables.

First, let us look at the facts: over 40% of marriages end in divorce. This does not simply infer that the in tact marriages are happy. This author attended a lecture by a respected psychiatrist, rabbi, and author who suggested that another half of the in-tact marriages were unhappy. Per capita, the United States has the highest divorce rate in the world.

The average duration of a marriage in the U.S is about 7 to 8 years. And although marriage is an institution which makes childrearing most efficacious, marriages in which there are children end in divorce with a higher frequency than those marriages without children.

Yet marriage remains an institution that many would not think of doing away with or even restructuring. Likely even the question of marriage being an outdated institution raises eyebrows. A controversial issue in this country currently is whether gays should have the right to marry, again showing the attachment to this social institution. Many young people wouldn't dream of not getting married. In fact, many women have been dreaming about their impending nuptials since they were young children. This is not only true for women, as many men assume marriage and children are a foregone conclusion in their lives.

So what is this author's argument that the idea of marriage might be outdated? Well, beyond the statistics above, I also believe that as the Dali Lama said, "Our purpose in life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we simply desire contentment." This is becoming more and more true today, as more people seek happiness. Marriage is a source of lasting happiness for some, but for others it is only a temporary high.

The first argument that marriage might be outdated is the divorce rate. Marriage has been around as an institution since, well, according to anything found in this author's research, ancient time. It was reported as necessary for childrearing, property disbursement, and bloodline. In these times it was more necessary to have a partnership to survive. Even more than partnerships, tribes were necessary for survival. As times changed, neighborhoods became like tribes, and small communities worked together to enhance the lives of all. But Western civilization has continued to move toward a more individualistic culture. Today people are less likely to even socialize with their neighbors, let alone rely on them. It is true some areas are bound by their neighborhood, and the community works together to enhance the life of its members. But this is becoming less and less true. As an example, how many "daycare centers" for children were there 50 years ago?
As this culture becomes more individual focused, bonds with others for survival becomes less important. We now pay people to do the things we used to accomplish in a partnership. Restaurants and fast food chains, once relegated to occasional family outings, are a main source of nourishment. There are agencies that will deliver "home-cooked meals" to you or have them ready for pick-up. Cleaning staff, once limited to the rich or to businesses, are being used by the middle-class. Both parents are working, focusing on their careers, their paths toward self individuation, and more tedious tasks like yard work are being hired out. The point, partnerships are less necessary than they were 60 years ago.

That is the social reason that the institution of marriage may be outdated. But the social influence does not stand alone. These changes impact individuals and individuals make up a marriage. So what are some of the individual characteristics that may contribute to marriage being an outdated concept? First, as discussed above, it is the desire for individuation by those in a marriage. More and more often people want to have meaning in their life, beyond raising a family. We are culture whose individuals want to be different. Americans want to stand out. They want to feel they accomplished something for themselves. As such, simply supporting a partner to achieve feels inadequate to many. They also want to achieve, and to be supported in their endeavors. This alone can contribute to strife in a marriage. Whose needs come first? How long do I put my goals on the back burner to help you attain yours? When can I pursue my happiness?

Another aspect of this is the drive toward excitement and experience. For some people, experience is more important than possessions. Some people just enjoy experience, for its own sake. They may be thrill seekers, or may just place a high value on novel experiences. These people just enjoy doing new things and meeting new people. At one point in time these characters might have been explorers, adventurers, or other types of risk takers. It seems though, that this is becoming much more common as a character trait these days. And folks with this character trait are likely to find the routine of marriage stifling.

There are other reasons that marriages may fail that are related to society. For one, despite many marriages failing or being unhappy, we live in a culture that romanticizes marriage. People are constantly told they will find their soul mate, that if this relationship doesn't workout, another will come along who might be "the one." In reality, how often are you able to accurately predict who your "one" is? Most people getting married believe they found the one. And when that doesn't work and they remarry, they often believe this time they found the one. And this isn't limited only to those who marry. How many people did you get romantically involved with who at some point you thought were probably "the one"? Perhaps this concept, which shows no signs of dying despite the evidence against it, is at worst mere wishful thinking, or at best, a long-shot.

Along with this idea of marriage being romanticized is the desire to simply have a wedding. First, a wedding is a beautiful thing. The pageantry, the pomp, and the beauty of it all results in it being majestic. Everyone should have one. It just doesn't seem they should have to stay together forever as a result. In a recent discussion with a colleague who was discussing marriage, she reported she wanted to get married. It wasn't that she necessarily wanted to marry the guy she was with, but that she wanted to get married to someone. She discussed the beauty of a wedding, and how it would be a shame to miss out on that. Everyone wants to be Cinderella or Prince Charming for a night. This is not uncommon thinking. But does the expectation have to be that they will stay together for a lifetime? (There was an article two years ago about a politician in a European country advocating a law that marriages expire after seven years, with the opportunity to renew. Of course she was mocked and ridiculed).

Another point of discussion for why marriages may fail focuses on the fact that many people get married before having been on their own. Recently one of my students, when discussing her relationship, actually said she didn't want to be alone for the rest of her life. She couldn't have been more than 27, although early 20's is more likely. For some reason this is a predominant fear in our culture (this could evolve into an existential discussion, but that is better placed in another article). There seems to be a myth that if you don't find someone, and latch onto them, you will be lonely and miserable, possibly for the rest of your life. Many people seem to settle so they don't have to face this fear. Ultimately, this fear becomes less predominant, and the person may leave the marriage. But the real culprit was the fear leading to settling.

Too often, marriage is an attempt to posses another. When humans love someone, they are afraid to let them go. People are afraid of loss. And what better way to secure someone than marriage? Marriage provides a {false} sense of security. It definitely makes ending the relationship more difficult.

But beyond just the fear of being alone is the fact that if you haven't been on your own you are used to a cycle of dependency. First people are dependent on their caregivers. And if they go from this state to one of marriage, they have never really been independent. There has always been someone else helping out. Outside of simply being dependent, there is a level of maturation that comes from living on your own and not being in a romantic relationship. One learns to nurture oneself, to care for oneself, to be independent in the truest sense of the word. Unfortunately, many who enter marriage have never really experienced this.
This discussion of personal growth leads me to another point regarding how the changing times have altered individual's character. These days more people are interested in their own personal growth. As people grow and change the risk of growing apart increases. When most people in their forties think of what they were like in their twenties, they can usually see the tremendous changes that have occurred. This is even truer when personal growth is a goal. And with one or even both partners growing and changing, the potential for growth in opposing directions is a possibility. And even if you don't grow apart, there is the possibility of a loss of attraction for your partner, and growing attraction for others you meet on your path.

Attraction is one of my favorite areas of psychology. The reason one individual is attracted to another is rich with possibility. For some, there is a reminiscence of something deeply enjoyed in the past. A client recently discussed how the attraction to each of her recent relationships related to two important men in her life. This is excellent evidence of this phenomenon.

For some people they believe this person they are with is the best they will ever be able to get. Sometimes this comes from feelings of low self esteem, but this is not always the case. Often there is a bargaining process which goes on inside of us when considering a romantic partner. We have this much beauty, smarts, financial potential, humor, etc, and we want equal value. Too much value and we might be insecure. Too little, and well we are getting the short end of the stick. But beyond all of this is the most common reason one individual is attracted to another: early childhood memory. This article is not the appropriate place for this discussion, so I refer the reader to "A General Theory of Love" by Lewis, Amini, and Lannon.

In short the above book systematically provides a theory that purports that all experiences, but most importantly early childhood experiences, affect the choices we make in close relations. If we had dysfunction in our home, we continue this pattern in other relations.

This leads to another reason marriages may not remain in tact as they used to, and hence may be an outdated concept. Bluntly, pathology is less accepted now. In the past, abuse, issues of control, alcoholism, addiction, and mental illness were hidden in a closet. These days' people are more psychologically informed. They are more aware that being mistreated is not acceptable, that it is not a reflection on them. They are less likely to tolerate behavior which contributes to their unhappiness. And furthermore, they are more likely than their predecessors to read self-help books, engage in therapy and resolve the issues that result in staying somewhere they are unhappy. They are even more likely to resolve the issues that lead to the attraction to begin with, which would result in the attraction dissipating.

So is marriage an outdated concept? It is possible after reading this article you may think this author believes so. And for many people, I do believe marriage is an outdated concept. And I am not alone, although likely in the minority (judging from the comments posted on the article "On Marriage: Let's Call the Whole Thing Off" posted on MSN June 228, 2009). But I do marriage counseling, and believe marriage is right for many other people. The goal is to find if you are right for marriage. And ultimately whether marriage is an outdated concept or not is a personal decision.

Some of the things you might look at before making the decision are your motives for marriage. Are you buying into a preconceived notion of what is supposed to be, without evaluating your values? Have you been planning your wedding since you were young and do you just refuse to give up on the dream, regardless of how your personality might affect long term commitment? Are you devoutly religious, and believe that pleasing God comes before personal happiness? If you believe marriage is for you, and you have evaluated your motives, then far be it for any article to sway you. Just realize marriage is work, and it will be important to forgo your happiness at times to maintain the marriage. And keep your hope. Even if marriage is an outdated concept, everyone has the right to make the choices they make. Good luck on your path.

William Berry MS., CAP.

Program Director

Addiction Education Consultants http://www.addictioneducationconsultants.com

954 306-072
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Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?

By Karl Augustine

Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're trying to do all you can to make your marriage work. Depending on how your marriage was prior to thinking that you had a marriage problem, you could be in for a hurtful time if you don't take a step back and look at your marriage problem from a "helicopter" viewpoint. To do that, you're going to need to try to limit your emotional stake in the situation which admittedly is a difficult thing to do.

The first step in getting over a marriage problem is to remember that you aren't alone, lots of couples have marriage problems that stem from all kinds of different types of behavior.

Here's a partial list of marriage problems that you may or may not be experiencing:

Marriage problem #1:
Lack of sexual intimacy - a serious issue that you must work through in my opinion if your going to work it out.

Marriage problem #2:
Exploding during an argument, getting too emotional and letting your temper get the best of you - you need to learn to work together and you can't do that if one of you is getting too heated.

Marriage problem #3:
Being selfish - eventually this will catch up to you. You should always think of your partner when you think of yourself.

Marriage problem #4:
Being dishonest - another serious issue. If you cannot be 100% honest and open with your mate, you're marriage is most likely doomed or at the very least unhappy.

Marriage problem #5:
Teasing too much - generally the husband does this but it could go either way. If there's a little bit of truth to the teasing or there's a greater marriage problem that incites the teasing, you could be in for a long road to recovery together. Chances are that you'll have a lot more work to do to correct this marriage problem.

Marriage problem #6:
Not respecting your spouse - this marriage problem can result in all types of other problems. If you are experiencing this you must get to the root of this and figure out why the disrespect is present. If you aren't getting the every day respect that you deserve, make it a priority to not let this go on another day.

Marriage problem #7:
Not being attentive to your spouse or not listening to your spouse - men are usually guilty of this marriage problem but is isn't exclusive to the weaker gender by any means. Really listening doesn't mean obeying, it means understanding what's important to your spouse and acting accordingly.

Obviously there are many other things that could be labeled a "marriage problem", you have to decide what those are as they pertain to your situation.
So, how do you figure out if a marriage problem or problems are severe enough to warrant a divorce?
You should first examine what your marriage problem actually is and decide if it is exclusively a problem for you or if it is something that you both consider to be a marriage problem. If you are the only one who sees the said action as a marriage problem, you have to decide whether or not that specific marriage problem is being caused by you or whether it is truly a problem brought on by your spouse. If the marriage problem is unique to you, seek some help from a counselor and do yourself the courtesy of trying to correct the problem before you believe that you need to run right out and get a divorce. You'll be a better person for it because you will have fixed something within yourself.

However, if you truly believe that the marriage problem is caused and prolonged by your spouse, sit down with yourself first and examine what you believe to be the root cause of the behavior that creates the marriage problem. Make sure that you are being logical when you identify the behavior that you feel is causing the marriage problem and try to recall if the traits or behavior that you've identified in your spouse are 'fixable' in your mind...assuming of course, that your spouse will agree that you are right.
Next, approach your spouse with the information that you've reflected on and try to talk through the cause of the marriage problem. Hopefully your spouse will be open to constructive discussion regarding the marriage problem so you can work through it together. If you cannot do work on the marriage problem together, seek the help of a mediator or marriage counselor so you can actually talk out the marriage problem logically. If you cannot work it out after counseling, other divorce advice, deep self-reflection and discussions, you should be able to decide whether or not the marriage problem warrants a divorce or not.Of course, no one can decide this but you.

Karl Augustine

"A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce"
An eBook recommended by marriage counselors and relationship coaches to their clients. [http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/get-free-chapters.htm]Get FREE Chapters! [http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/marriage-problem.htm]Marriage Problem

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Marriage Vows - How To Ensure Your Marriage Vows Forge A Lifelong Love Marriage

By Anne Amore

Marriage vows are tremendously important to the success of your marriage. Your marriage vows embody the emotional, physical and mental commitment between you and your partner and mustn't be taken lightly. As you contemplate and research marriage ceremonies and vows remember that it is not so much the words that are important, but the intent behind them. Here are 3 ways to guarantee that your marriage vows support you through a lifetime of married love, passion and romance....

The power of the vow

Marriage is the joining of two separate people in a shared love relationship of mutual support. Most marriages result from feelings of attraction and love and a desire for a permanent union but long-term marriage success requires a true commitment. In traditional marriage vows, the happy couple make promises to each other to the affect that they will care for and support each other through thick and thin. Some modern marriage vows contain too many escape clauses and read like a complex business contract with many stipulated conditions. I advise against weakening your marriage vow in any way. Make a real promise to each other. Acknowledge that there will be difficult times ahead. But make that promise that you will do your utmost to love no matter what. Remember that a vow is something more than a promise. It is of the heart and of your very spirit. A real vow is unbreakable. To break it is to break yourself. Forge your marriage with vows of that strength. And just imagine what it will mean to you and your partner to hear that intention when you speak your vows to each other. It gives tremendous strength to a marriage.

Putting YOU into the vows

Making your marriage vows personal and important to you ensures that you can speak them with feeling and commitment. If using a traditional marriage vow script, make sure you get a copy of it ahead of time and study it. Look at the words together and discuss what they mean to you. Really get into the spirit of the words so that you attain a deeper understanding of what they mean and signify. Contemplate how you will apply these marriage vows in the future and visualise them carrying you through a lifetime of wedded bliss. If you have decided to write your own wedding vows, make sure that you personalise but not trivialise the vows. Think of your wedding vows as a magic spell that require great attention to the ingredients. Make sure your marriage ceremony vows embody the total loving commitment that you are promising each other. And when you come to speak them on your happy day, do so with full awareness of their great significance.

Working your marriage vows

You will discover that happy marriages are built on effort, commitment and love. Being 'in love' is largely a result of that inner explosion of feel-good neurochemicals that occurs when two people are attracted to each other. Over time this spontaneous 'chemistry' between couples can dilute if left to its own devices. You both have to work at re-stimulating this chemistry. Love starts as an adjective, describing the spontaneous state of Love between you, but it must continue as a verb, as something you both consciously do to and for each other. Remember this when you make your marriage vows to each other. Picture a future in which you both work at loving, cherishing and respecting each other. You will need to get creative and put on your thinking cap to do new things and keep the relationship fresh and exciting. Couples who embrace this responsibility enjoy deep abiding marriages. The initial stages of a romance are indeed wonderful and the love feels so good. But it is nothing compared to the deeper love achieved by a married couple who have loved consciously and given their full attention to each other by working their marriage vows everyday through a lifetime.

How to be married happily ever after...

So many marriages falter and fail. Sometimes it seems like everyone you know has experienced divorce either personally or by proxy. It's scary contemplating marriage in a world where so many marriages end in divorce and painful separations. What can you do to be different? Researchers interviewed long-term married couples who described themselves as 'very happily married'. It turns out that this top 1% of couples had unique love strategies and relationship secrets that they used daily to ensure a lifetime of wedded bliss. You now understand the importance of living by your marriage vows and 'loving' as something that you do consciously. Why not not make it easier to create a super marriage though? You can learn from these mentors and shortcut your learning curve. Imagine having the collective marriage wisdom of hundreds of couples. These unique marriage-enhancing strategies have been compiled for you in rel=nofollow The 50 Secrets to Blissful Relationships.

Now you can be one of those couples whose marriages thrive and go from strength to strength. Or you can leave it to chance and risk becoming another divorce statistic. It makes sense to get the advice of those who are succeeding in love already. The 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships empowers you with the strategies to back up the promises you make in your wedding vows. I'm so happy to wish you a lifetime of wedded bliss and know that you can achieve that. With love.

Copyright 2007 Anne Amore

Want a 'fairy tale' relationship? They do exist! Don't miss out! Discover the secrets to a blissful relationship at: http://www.blissfulrelationship.com your top tips resource for ensuring a lifetime of love fulfilling your marriage vows.
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Dating Rules For Success! - 10 Reliable Rules

By Brad Paul



These dating rules for success do not include any instructions that ask you to represent yourself in a way that is not truly you. There are areas where self improvement is recommended, however. The goal of these dating rules is to inspire you to be your best so that you can attract the best partner for you!
Dating Rule #1 -Get Yourself Motivated

Get yourself motivated to find a compatible dating partner who you truly enjoy, a person with whom you can build a productive and fulfilling relationship. Finding a good match will take some time, effort, and perseverance. This will require a strong source of motivation.

Here's how: First, visualize yourself in a magnificent relationship. Picture every glorious detail. Then visualize yourself in a horrible relationship and picture every nasty detail. Create these visualizations by recalling your own relationship experiences and/or those of other couples you've observed.

Motivation is created when we imagine the pleasure we will feel by having something we desire-- like a great relationship. Motivation is intensified when we imagine the pain we will feel if we were to end up with something we hate instead-- like a bad relationship. Use these opposing mental strategies to create a relentless motivation to find the person who's right for you!

Dating Rule #2 -Do a Personal Evaluation

What is the condition of your life? Have you become the person that you know that you can be? Where do you stand emotionally, physically, socially, and financially? Your future dating experiences will reflect the strengths and weaknesses that exist in each of these areas. Get your life in order before you start inviting others to make investments in you!

Do this by conducting a personal evaluation of all the major areas of your life. Determine what areas need improvement, identify the solutions, set goals, and then get to work. Once you are satisfied with the changes you've made and have gotten into the habit of working toward your remaining long-term goals you'll be ready to start dating.

Dating Rule #3 -Get Your Teeth Fixed and Cleaned

The goal of this dating rule is fresh breath. Nothing is more of a turn off than bad breath. Bad breath, which is often caused by a dental or periodontal problem, is usually not noticeable by the person who has it. Cup your hand over your mouth, blow into it, and then smell it. If there's the slightest hint of odor you may have a problem.

If you haven't had your teeth checked and cleaned in the last six months, get it done! If you have a cosmetic problem that affects your confidence, get it fixed if you have the money. If you don't have the money right now, just come to terms with it by adding it to your list of long-term goals. At the very least get your teeth and gums healthy so that your breath will be fresh and ready for romance!

Dating Rule #4 -Identify Your Target

Create a detailed description of the person you want. With a clear vision of the person you want, you will attract and be able recognize them when they enter your life. Without it, most of your efforts will be a waste of time.

Here's how: Make two (2) lists of all the attributes, characteristics, and qualities that you MUST HAVE and CANNOT HAVE in a partner. Refine the lists by clarifying the items of greater importance and eliminating the items of lesser importance. Then transfer the lists to a fresh piece of paper and place it in a location where you'll be encouraged to review it often.

Once you have the image of your ideal partner firmly anchored in your mind, you will attract and be drawn towards those individuals who meet your unique set of needs and repelled away from those who do not.

Dating Rule #5 -Determine the Best Places to Find Them

Determine the best places for you to find your ideal partner. What are your greatest passions? Are there organizations or events that you can attend where others who share your passion are likely gather? Finding someone to share what you love doing most is an ideal foundation for building a great relationship. Make a list of all the possibilities. Then go check them out. Join the ones that feel right and get involved without focusing on finding someone to date. That part will happen naturally.

You can come up with many dating sources within your present world as well. Do some brainstorming to identify all the possible places and activites where you have seen or might find a potential partner.

Online dating is an excellent resource for finding an ideal partner. The key is to find a reputable service with extensive matching criteria. You will find that the identifying process described in rule #4 will help you to recognize an outstanding service and an outstanding match.

Dating Rule #6 -Learn about Dating Techniques and Rituals

Learning about dating techniques and rituals will not only improve your dating success but also your amount of enjoyment. I am not talking about just learning how to open doors and order wine. I am talking about learning the techniques that can enhance compatibility judgment, relationship development, and romance. The beginner to the dating veteran can benefit from a review of this information.

This topic is too broad to summarize into a couple of paragraphs that would do you much good. The important point here is that learning this information can greatly improve your dating experiences. Find a good book or article about dating that covers the areas mentioned above.

Dating Rule #7 -Get Your Wardrobe Ready

This issue is usually more of a challenge for men then women, but there are a number of women that I've encountered that could benefit from this advice as well. Looking your best is the icing on the cake. Like you, the true quality of a cake is what's on the inside. But with an uninviting outward appearance there's less of a chance someone will be inspired to find out what's inside.

Do you have some clothes that are appropriate for dating? You can't go out to a nightclub in a chef's uniform, hospital scrubs, or a business suit. Either fish out a couple of outfits from your closet, wash, and iron them or invest in a few new ones. Try to dress fashionably and up-to-date. This may require that you stretch yourself a bit. Make your final choice on what you wear, however, based on what makes you feel the most confident. If you have accessories or a look that reflects your own unique style, go for it!

If you want some ideas on what clothes to buy, go to your local bookstore or library and look through some magazines. The goal here is not to spend a lot of money to impress the person you're dating. The goal is to put together some outfits that make you look and feel your best.

Dating Rule #8 -Learn How to Handle Rejection

Rejection is a part of the dating experience that everyone hates. The fear of being rejected blocks us from reaching out to potential partners. If we change our perceptions about it, we can eliminate our fears.

We've been programmed to feel bad when we are rejected when 99% of the time it has nothing whatsoever to do with us. Mathematically, the chances of you coming into contact with someone, where favorable circumstances and mutual attraction exists, is probably at least 100 to 1 (one) or greater. In most situations, you do not have pre-existing knowledge of the person or their current relationship status, mood, likes, dislikes, etc.

Once you can accept the fact that it's just a numbers game you can let go of the fear. Then you can move forward with more confidence knowing that the more you try, and the more rejections you accumulate, the closer you will be to reaching your target!

Dating Rule #9 -Enjoy the Journey

Don't get so catch up in trying to find the perfect partner that you don't enjoy the journey. Have fun! Learn! Grow!

When you find yourself out on a date with someone who isn't right for you, just shift your attention to what you can learn from them and enjoy the conversation. If it's really an uncomfortable situation, end the date as quickly as possible and go enjoy the rest of your day. Don't waste any time doing a postmortem, just say to yourself, "Next!"

When you're alone use the time to learn about yourself and how to enjoy your single life whether you're dating someone or not. This means having the ability to go out to dinner alone on a Saturday night and truly enjoy it. Test yourself. Try it!

When a person is at peace being alone then their decision to be in relationship is a matter of free choice and not an emotional necessity. When there is freedom to decide when and if a person wants to be in a relationship, a better choice in a partner can be made.

Dating Rule #10 -Ensure Lifelong Intimacy

Ensure lifelong intimacy by being tested and protected. No matter how truthful, safe, and healthy your partner/friend seems, make certain that an adequate birth control method is being used, and that you both get tested for sexually transmitted diseases (STD) BEFORE your first sexual encounter. If you don't have medical insurance to cover these expenses, most local health departments offer birth control counseling and STD testing for free or at a nominal fee. This would be appropriate for couples of any age. You may feel uncomfortable with the thought of discussing these subjects with your partner/friend, but it's your life and these issues must be resolved. One bad choice in this area can instantly ruin your life forever!

Dating Rules Epilogue

Most of us approach dating in a lackadaisical manner as if no special knowledge or skills are required to be successful. The truth is dating is like everything else in life. You get what you put into it. These dating rules are only a blueprint for success. The rest is up to you!

If you're looking to find a life-partner, than this endeavor is one of the most important your life! If you're new to dating or not looking for a serious relationship, than dating can either enhance or complicate your life.

You can learn through trial and error, but the price is usually a lot of pain when it comes to dating and relationships. Or you can master the necessary skills and reap the benefits of superior dating experiences and relationships. These dating rules provide a solid starting point.

Brad Paul

Solotopia.com

Copyright © Brad Paul


These rules are based on extensive research on this topic. In most cases, the short description of each dating rule is sufficient for successful implementation of the advice. If you want more information on these dating rules there are many related articles that are referenced with links in the original article on the Solotopia website. To go there, click: http://www.solotopia.com/dating-rules.html

To see a list of all articles by category at Solotopia.com, click: http://www.solotopia.com/dating-articles.html

Brad Paul is the founder of Solotopia.com, which provides FREE resources for being single successfully whether a person chooses to remain unattached, just date, or find a perfect partner.

Brad began learning about the needs of singles as he built and led a unique, highly successful non-profit singles organization. He refined his knowledge about singles as he researched and wrote books on finding a perfect partner and couple's communication. Before changing careers, he headed a marketing group responsible for generating $400 million dollars in annual sales.

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Pre Marriage Questions and Relationships Issues

By Bryan Walters


With the divorce rate so high and people defying past conventions of staying together through bad patches, many people are finding out that love doesn't overcome all problems.

Little secrets between couples are no problem, but for the big issues like attitude to money, children, careers, religion, couples need to know what they're getting into to avoid continual arguments and possibly the breakdown of their relationship.

These things are better sorted out before a long term commitment, but couples in an established relationship can become closer the more they know and understand about each other.

Here are 5 tips to help get a long-term relationship off to a great start:

1. Take your time to get to know each other - When you consider the different events and circumstances that happen in a year, it's worth delaying any decisions on entering a long term relationship for at least a year.

He needs the latest sports gear every spring / she needs the latest fashions - do you think that's a good use of your budget - can you live with that?

She wants to vacation in the Caribbean, perfecting her tan / he wants to go fishing in mountain streams and white-water rafting - how are you going to work that one out?

There's nothing wrong with having different attitudes and interests, it's how to work out and live with your differences that determines how successful your relationship is going to be.

Don't gamble by committing yourselves to a long-term relationship too soon!

2. Don't stop dating - Do you remember when you first met how you always found or made time to be together and go on dates?

Don't let your relationship become stale because you take each other for granted - keep doing new and special things together and find time for those unexpected gifts or surprises.

When did you last do simple things like take a stroll together in the park or sit on the beach watching the sun go down? Going on a date, you'll put more effort into your appearance, have more time to talk to each other, and feel closer.

3. Don't forget 'I love you' - What? you say, they already know that!

Sure they do, just as you know they love you, but you still like to hear it, don't you?, and you like that intimate touch that says you both share an intimacy that no one else has with you.

When you've been together for some time, it's easy to forget the things you found attractive in the first place and let fault finding or familiarity take over - don't forget to praise your partner's good points and encourage and support them in what they do.

4. Know your partner - Not understanding your partner is not the big problem. What you need to do for a successful relationship is to KNOW your partner and how they think and react about things - AND - to accept that's the way they are.

You don't have to have the same likes and dislikes, or the same values or opinions to have a successful relationship, but you do have to accept your partner's point of view being as valid as your own.

5. Ask the big questions - If couples simply spent some time asking each other the questions that really matter, and discussing the answers without passing judgment, they'd greatly increase their chances of staying together.

Does your partner want kids; do they have a history of spending their way into debt; are they religious; do you both want careers? To give your relationship the best chance of lasting, these are the sorts of issues you need to discuss and come to terms with BEFORE entering into a long-term commitment.

Don't think that you'll be able to change your partner's behavior after you've made the commitment because it won't happen! If you don't take the time to discuss finances, religion, sex, housing, and your future in some detail, you're probably going to spend the rest of your life together arguing.

This article is based on the author's own experiences, and is written for information only in the hope that it will help you. You must decide for yourself, and take responsibility for, anything you do as a result of reading this article.

Have you got questions you'd like to ask your partner but don't know how to ask?

Would [http://RelationshipEbooks.com/1000-questions-for-couples.html]1000 pre-written questions help?

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