Anytime you are considering a commitment such as marriage, love can blind you to reality. As we all know, over 50% of marriages end in divorce. That rate is even higher for 2nd and 3rd marriages. It is important to go into any relationship with your eyes wide open.
Often times, the "real" person you are dating does not show up right away. He/she sends their best representative to the relationship. It is imperative that you know the person you want to commit to and not the person you think he/she is. This requires spending time together, having open and honest communication, and not rushing any decisions about a future together.
Topics to openly discuss and hopefully agree on prior to marriage include finances, child rearing, extended family relations and the division of household duties. As a family therapist, I recommend putting pen to paper and making sure that these are areas that you can agree on prior to saying "I do". If family is a first priority, how will these things change if one parent stays home to care for the children? If both parents continue working, what will the child care plan be?
Don't be fooled by large promises, if there is no evidence to support a claim early in the relationship. A guy who lives like a slob isn't going to suddenly become neat because someone else is around that likes everything neat and orderly. Someone who spends money impulsively may have a difficult time reigning in that spending habit.
People have said to me "I don't know who I am married to, it's like we never dated". Too many times, people enter a marriage with the idea of changing their partner. As you may already know, this rarely happens successfully. Instead of focusing on what the other person can do to make the relationship better, you will have to focus on yourself. The reality is that you are the only one that you can change.
Relationships do take work. Marriage should not be described as a 50/50 endeavor, but rather 2 people giving 100% of themselves to the relationship. At times, one or the other may have to give what seems like more than 100%. There may be times when it seems that all you do is give to the other person. If you notice these patterns before marriage, take note. Someone who is used to receiving may not want to start giving in return.
Today's society continues to be geared towards what we can get from others. It is vital to focus on what you can give to your significant other, when entering a relationship or wanting to see change for the better. Focusing on someone else can give you a sense of fulfillment that focusing on yourself will never provide.
When considering marriage, be prepared to lose a little of self, invest in another person and watch a dynamic duo emerge. If possible, seek assistance from a trusted friend or parent who has been married for many years. Arguments and disagreements are unavoidable at times, but with proper planning and a strong commitment, your marriage can be hugely successful, making you a statistic for having a lengthy relationship-not ending in divorce.
With a strong desire to help families live healthy, happy lives, Tracy has devoted her life to working with children and families. This interest has been the driving factor behind her commitment to education both formally and by career experience. Tracy earned her Master's Degree in Social Work from Florida State University after having already secured her Bachelor's Degree in Social Work from Auburn University.
Tracy has become well versed in domestic and international adoptions. She can answer all questions regarding the homestudy process and can assist you with starting in your adoption journey. Before becoming the Founder and Executive Director for The Adoption Authority, Tracy completed numerous homestudies and post placement visits for several agencies throughout Georgia and Florida.
Tracy is a dedicated professional who has worked with countless families regarding parenting concerns, including children with special needs, behavior issues, and developmental disabilities. Detail oriented, Tracy has studied the dynamics of merging families and developed strategies and techniques to minimize the impact on children and parents.
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