Secret #1 -- Create intimacy and bonding. You do this outside of the bedroom by really listening to your partner.When your partner talks, give them your full attention, look them in the eye and use active listening skills.
Secret #2 -- Develop a mutual love language. we can't talk about sex without words. However, some words may be acceptable or even arousing to you but may be bothersome to your partner. Discuss ahead of time words and phrases that are acceptable to both of you for various body parts and acts. Note that some words may be bothersome in casual conversation but very sexy when you are aroused.
Secret #3 -- Use requests instead of criticism. Instead of saying to your partner, "You don't ever...." in an attempt to get them to do something specific when having sex, figure out what it is you really want instead and then ask for it in a very inviting way. "Tonight I would love it if you would..."
Secret #4 -- Share your ideal love making experience. Let each other know what is the image in your head of what makes an ideal love making experience.
Secret #5 -- Vary your sexual routine. For most couples, after a while sex is pretty routine in terms of what people do, how long they do it, how they do it and where they do it. Most people eventually fall into the 15-30 minutes long just before bed or first thing in the morning category. Remember to add in the quickie once in a while (good to peak spontaneity and surprise) AND the more luxurious and romantic longer version once a month or so.
Secret #6 -- Share your erotic maps. Maybe you've changed what you like or what you are interested in doing since the beginning of your relationship.
Secret #7-- Be very specific about what turns you on and what techniques you want your partner to do. Don't expect your partner to read your mind. We usually don't get what we want unless we ask.
I invite you to use these 7 tips to bring some spark back into your marriage and your sex life.
I would also like to offer you my Free Report: 21 Ways to Renew Fun, Love and Passion" when you subscribe to my newsletter, "Love Your Love Relationship," a monthly newsletter with tips, advice and insights on creating stronger, healthier, and more passionate marriages. You can have access to both at http://www.Beatthemarriageoddscounseling.com You can also find more tips and writings on creating better marriages at http://www.Beatthemarriageodds.typepad.com or http://www.Beatthemarriageodds.typepad.com/affairrecovery
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