By Barbara Calvi
Secret #1 -- Create intimacy and bonding. You do this outside of the bedroom by really listening to your partner.When your partner talks, give them your full attention, look them in the eye and use active listening skills.
Secret #2 -- Develop a mutual love language. we can't talk about sex without words. However, some words may be acceptable or even arousing to you but may be bothersome to your partner. Discuss ahead of time words and phrases that are acceptable to both of you for various body parts and acts. Note that some words may be bothersome in casual conversation but very sexy when you are aroused.
Secret #3 -- Use requests instead of criticism. Instead of saying to your partner, "You don't ever...." in an attempt to get them to do something specific when having sex, figure out what it is you really want instead and then ask for it in a very inviting way. "Tonight I would love it if you would..."
Secret #4 -- Share your ideal love making experience. Let each other know what is the image in your head of what makes an ideal love making experience.
Secret #5 -- Vary your sexual routine. For most couples, after a while sex is pretty routine in terms of what people do, how long they do it, how they do it and where they do it. Most people eventually fall into the 15-30 minutes long just before bed or first thing in the morning category. Remember to add in the quickie once in a while (good to peak spontaneity and surprise) AND the more luxurious and romantic longer version once a month or so.
Secret #6 -- Share your erotic maps. Maybe you've changed what you like or what you are interested in doing since the beginning of your relationship.
Secret #7-- Be very specific about what turns you on and what techniques you want your partner to do. Don't expect your partner to read your mind. We usually don't get what we want unless we ask.
I invite you to use these 7 tips to bring some spark back into your marriage and your sex life.
I would also like to offer you my Free Report: 21 Ways to Renew Fun, Love and Passion" when you subscribe to my newsletter, "Love Your Love Relationship," a monthly newsletter with tips, advice and insights on creating stronger, healthier, and more passionate marriages. You can have access to both at http://www.Beatthemarriageoddscounseling.com You can also find more tips and writings on creating better marriages at http://www.Beatthemarriageodds.typepad.com or http://www.Beatthemarriageodds.typepad.com/affairrecovery
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com
Friday, July 23, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Marriage and Relationship Problems - How to Fix Your Marriage
By Pete Koerner
Most people get married for the wrong reasons; it's as simple as that. Given that, it shouldn't be a surprise that most marriages are not the blissful unions most young girls hope for and dream about. And, since most marriages are not bastions of happiness and harmony, it certainly stands to reason that something was missing from the beginning. Think about the married people you know. The happy couples are few and far between; and many of them are actually faking-it in order to uphold their illusion of perfection. The fact is that most marriages end in divorce and/or unhappiness. To fix your marriage, you'll need to get back to basics and start with the fundamentals of any good relationship.
Start with being honest with yourself. Would you want to be married to you; or are you simply seeking a mate to fulfill your own personal ideal of what "your" marriage should be? The fact is that, while anyone could learn to be a good partner, most people are not taught these skills in life - and are probably too lazy or unmotivated to learn them. Western culture and society essentially programs people to be selfish and self-centered; if you want a good relationship, you are going to have to cure yourself of this - and then find someone else who has overcome or avoided this personality pitfall. Relationships are give-and-take affairs - with an emphasis on "giving."
The next fundamental relationship saver is: Effective communication. You need to learn how to talk to each other and communicate your true agenda. If you don't share common goals in a relationship, you're not going to be blissfully happy; and, if you don't communicate effectively, you won't know what your goals truly are. Strong relationships require a lot of attention and focus. You need to have an incentive to drag your attention away from sports, video games, the Internet, talk shows and shopping in order to shun the unimportant for what is truly valuable in life. Again, Western culture and technology has a hypnotic grasp on most people and monopolizes their time and attention. In order to have a strong relationship, you must give the Lion's share of your focus to your partner. You cannot communicate effectively when you're wrapped-up in the typical life - but you can live a typical, mundane, unfulfilling life that way.
There is an old saying that tells us that the best thing we can do with our human lives is to give them away. Selflessness and sacrifice are truly keys to peace and happiness. In a relationship, however, both partners need to practice these skills. If only one person cares about their partner's desires and the health of the relationship, then you have one practicing being selfish while the other practices victim-hood. An easy place to start is by making a conscious effort to be kind and gracious always. Don't judge each other for shortcomings or failure to master this new approach; but give them a good example of kindness and unconditional love. Trust me when I say that this practice mostly benefits the one who uses it. You may not be able to manipulate your partner into being nicer - and that isn't the point - but you will certainly receive countless benefits as the practice of unconditional, unwavering niceness becomes a part of you and your life.
With Honesty, Communication, and Selflessness, you can heal your relationship - with yourself as well as with a willing partner. If you don't have a willing partner, don't feel bad - feel happy that you discovered this as early as you did so you don't have to fight against unyielding disappointment and sadness. Your life is valuable; you are valuable. These things should not be wasted playing into another's self-pity and selfishness. If you can master these relationship skills, you'll be better equipped to choose a better partner and build a better, stronger relationship next time around. Either way, you can have a much happier relationship if you take the time to learn what kind of relationship you want and how to get it, create it and maintain it.
*To download your FREE, Illustrated Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) Manual, go to: http://www.ExploreExpandEvolve.com/free_download/ It only takes about 10-seconds to get your Free EFT manual and start erasing fears, resentment, stress, anxiety, grief, negative emotions, negative self-talk, phobias, and limiting beliefs that could be holding you back and limiting your life, health, and relationships.
Pete Koerner is the author of The Belief Formula: The Secret to Unlocking the Power of Prayer. The Belief Formula is a look at how you can use ancient wisdom and modern scientific awareness to learn how to use your mind to reclaim your health and create the life of your dreams.
For a Free Report on Making The Belief Formula Work for You, visit: http://www.TheBeliefFormula.com (This report focuses on improving your health with your thoughts.)
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Do You Have a Happy Relationship? Happy Marriages Are Not Born, They Are Built
By Mary J. Miller
Sometimes, it can feel as if everyone around you has a happy marriage but you. Maybe your friends all make you sick because they are so good to each other and seem to truly enjoy each other's company, but all you and your husband can do is fight. Why should this be? Why do all your friends seem to have satisfied, happy relationships but you are left wanting more?
It sounds as if you need to refresh yourself a little about marriage in order to get the relationship you are truly longing for. For starters, how to get to that good loved and contented feeling in your relationship everyday.
You Are A Couple
When you are in a marriage, it can often seem as if the hopes and dreams of one half of the marriage are offset because of life's responsibilities, but the thing is that this doesn't have to always be the case. Sure you both have hopes and dreams and sometimes, they are the same, but other times, these hopes and dreams are completely different. As a couple, you should have joint goals and dreams, but still be allowed to pursue your personal goals as well.
Sometimes, this can be difficult, especially if it seems that your goals are pulling you away from your spouse. There will be times that you will have to decide what is more important to you as a couple and to you as an individual entity. Sometimes, these choices need to be made to have a happy relationship, or even in an effort to save your marriage, but many times, sacrifices can be well worth it in the end.
Don't Blame
Now this can be really hard to do, especially when it feels as if everything is going wrong. Occasionally there are problems, such as financial problems, that can be due to one partner's bad decision making. Instead of blaming your partner, try to incorporate ways that the problem will never happen again. For instance, if it's a financial problem you're facing, tell each other that you will never do anything "big" financially without first consulting with your partner and then stick to your plan. You have to communicate here to ever have a solid foundation to build your happy marriage on.
Stop playing the "blame game", though. The one who screwed up knows they did and they know that they have caused financial trouble within the relationship. For you to blame them only further causes feelings of guilt and inadequacy, so stop doing it.
A lasting relationship has a delicate balance between communication, connection and the ability to be an individual. If you want to know how to have a happy marriage, it's important to try to meet that balance in your own relationship. Don't worry, it can be done and it's not that hard, its actually a lot easier than you think to build an intimate happy relationship.
Mary Miller provides you with tips for a lasting relationship. To enjoy an intimate relationship with your someone special, you need to know the [http://happytogetherforever.com/happy-365-7-step-system-to-a-juicy-intimate-relationship-review/]secrets to a happy marriage. You can be happy everyday by visiting 'Happy Together Forever' http://happytogetherforever.com/
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com
Sometimes, it can feel as if everyone around you has a happy marriage but you. Maybe your friends all make you sick because they are so good to each other and seem to truly enjoy each other's company, but all you and your husband can do is fight. Why should this be? Why do all your friends seem to have satisfied, happy relationships but you are left wanting more?
It sounds as if you need to refresh yourself a little about marriage in order to get the relationship you are truly longing for. For starters, how to get to that good loved and contented feeling in your relationship everyday.
You Are A Couple
When you are in a marriage, it can often seem as if the hopes and dreams of one half of the marriage are offset because of life's responsibilities, but the thing is that this doesn't have to always be the case. Sure you both have hopes and dreams and sometimes, they are the same, but other times, these hopes and dreams are completely different. As a couple, you should have joint goals and dreams, but still be allowed to pursue your personal goals as well.
Sometimes, this can be difficult, especially if it seems that your goals are pulling you away from your spouse. There will be times that you will have to decide what is more important to you as a couple and to you as an individual entity. Sometimes, these choices need to be made to have a happy relationship, or even in an effort to save your marriage, but many times, sacrifices can be well worth it in the end.
Don't Blame
Now this can be really hard to do, especially when it feels as if everything is going wrong. Occasionally there are problems, such as financial problems, that can be due to one partner's bad decision making. Instead of blaming your partner, try to incorporate ways that the problem will never happen again. For instance, if it's a financial problem you're facing, tell each other that you will never do anything "big" financially without first consulting with your partner and then stick to your plan. You have to communicate here to ever have a solid foundation to build your happy marriage on.
Stop playing the "blame game", though. The one who screwed up knows they did and they know that they have caused financial trouble within the relationship. For you to blame them only further causes feelings of guilt and inadequacy, so stop doing it.
A lasting relationship has a delicate balance between communication, connection and the ability to be an individual. If you want to know how to have a happy marriage, it's important to try to meet that balance in your own relationship. Don't worry, it can be done and it's not that hard, its actually a lot easier than you think to build an intimate happy relationship.
Mary Miller provides you with tips for a lasting relationship. To enjoy an intimate relationship with your someone special, you need to know the [http://happytogetherforever.com/happy-365-7-step-system-to-a-juicy-intimate-relationship-review/]secrets to a happy marriage. You can be happy everyday by visiting 'Happy Together Forever' http://happytogetherforever.com/
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
How to Save Your Marriage - The Absolute Best Way to Re-Build Your Relationship and Marriage
By Jennie J. Hernandez
In relationships, nothing is perfect. You have to face travails and succeed in dealing with them together with your partner. You both have to learn from your mistakes and try not to do things that hurt each other the most in the course of being together. You have to learn how to save your marriage before a tiny problem can lead to damaging effects that might cause for your foundation to be dissolved.
You must build a strong foundation from the start. Marriage is a learning process. Sometimes, you may not want what you have learned but this doesn't mean that you must give up on everything. It only means that you are like others, your relationship is not perfect. So the best thing that you can do in order to save your marriage is learn to accept facts. You have to love your partner unconditionally. And you must be willing to bend according to changes and to accommodate everything that you might have found out in the process.
A good foundation will come in handy at times when your marriage becomes rocky. There will be lots of times wherein you have to start from scratch in order to save your marriage. But the good thing about this is that if you are very sure that it is all worth fighting for.
Building a strong foundation is one thing. If this foundation will be marred by intrigues, hatred and other problems, you have to keep trying and think about how strong that foundation was. This will give you better chances into holding on and keeping up with the fight.
Here are some recommendations as to what you can do when you have been faced with obstacles that almost dissolved such good foundation of your marriage.
1. Talk things out with your husband or wife. You have to let your partner know how you feel. You have to make them aware how much you are hurting. You must not process such feeling by yourself. There are maybe things that you don't fully understand because you are being blinded by your jealousy or hatred. By saying how you feel and what your thoughts are about the issues regarding your marriage, there is no other else that you should be speaking with but your partner.
In this process, you must also learn how to listen. This means that you have to open your mind and heart to possibilities and other things that you may not believe at the start. You must let your partner speak their feelings and you should give them a chance to be heard and understood.
2. You may find it hard to forgive, but in a relationship, you must perfect such act. No matter what your partner had done, if your heart tells you that they have to be forgiven, listen to it. Sometimes, your mind gives you 101 reasons why you should not forgive. But when you listen closely to what is the one thing that your heart is saying, your problems will be resolved and you will be able to see things at a different perspective.
There's still time to [http://www.helpsaveamarriage.com/]save your marriage It's never too late to save what really matters. Come get our free report packed with tips on how to save your marriage at ---] [http://www.helpsaveamarriage.com/]http://www.helpsaveamarriage.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com
In relationships, nothing is perfect. You have to face travails and succeed in dealing with them together with your partner. You both have to learn from your mistakes and try not to do things that hurt each other the most in the course of being together. You have to learn how to save your marriage before a tiny problem can lead to damaging effects that might cause for your foundation to be dissolved.
You must build a strong foundation from the start. Marriage is a learning process. Sometimes, you may not want what you have learned but this doesn't mean that you must give up on everything. It only means that you are like others, your relationship is not perfect. So the best thing that you can do in order to save your marriage is learn to accept facts. You have to love your partner unconditionally. And you must be willing to bend according to changes and to accommodate everything that you might have found out in the process.
A good foundation will come in handy at times when your marriage becomes rocky. There will be lots of times wherein you have to start from scratch in order to save your marriage. But the good thing about this is that if you are very sure that it is all worth fighting for.
Building a strong foundation is one thing. If this foundation will be marred by intrigues, hatred and other problems, you have to keep trying and think about how strong that foundation was. This will give you better chances into holding on and keeping up with the fight.
Here are some recommendations as to what you can do when you have been faced with obstacles that almost dissolved such good foundation of your marriage.
1. Talk things out with your husband or wife. You have to let your partner know how you feel. You have to make them aware how much you are hurting. You must not process such feeling by yourself. There are maybe things that you don't fully understand because you are being blinded by your jealousy or hatred. By saying how you feel and what your thoughts are about the issues regarding your marriage, there is no other else that you should be speaking with but your partner.
In this process, you must also learn how to listen. This means that you have to open your mind and heart to possibilities and other things that you may not believe at the start. You must let your partner speak their feelings and you should give them a chance to be heard and understood.
2. You may find it hard to forgive, but in a relationship, you must perfect such act. No matter what your partner had done, if your heart tells you that they have to be forgiven, listen to it. Sometimes, your mind gives you 101 reasons why you should not forgive. But when you listen closely to what is the one thing that your heart is saying, your problems will be resolved and you will be able to see things at a different perspective.
There's still time to [http://www.helpsaveamarriage.com/]save your marriage It's never too late to save what really matters. Come get our free report packed with tips on how to save your marriage at ---] [http://www.helpsaveamarriage.com/]http://www.helpsaveamarriage.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com
Friday, July 2, 2010
What He Wants From His Wife
If you have been married to your husband for a while, you might think like most women do, that he should be able to read your mind and know what makes you happy. However, being the complicated humans that women are, most of the time, the man in your life has no clue what’s on your mind. Women tend to send mixed signals to the men they love, almost as if they are trying to keep them guessing or on their toes.
Since the beginning of time, men have always felt responsible for the happiness of their wife. Even though he might not tell you so, the thought of you being unhappy is painful to your husband. If he feels he cannot please you, that is when he begins to act as if he doesn’t care.
Many married women believe their husbands should know that they are happy, even if outwardly they don’t show it. This is not the case. Men cannot read their minds. They need constant reassurance. Women need to show them, to let them know, in no uncertain terms, specifically when they are happy with them. When a husband does something that produces immediate feedback, this is how he knows to repeat that behaviour. If you like what he did, and he doesn’t see a reaction from you, he will most likely assume his efforts were wasted.
When your verbal and non-verbal signals tell your husband how happy you are, he will take it personally and it will empower him. He has accomplished what he was put on this earth to do, which is to make you happy. It gives him a feeling of contentment and does much for his self-worth.
This secret is but a taste of what you will learn in this link (What Husbands Can't Resist) “What Husbands Can’t Resist.” Based on 17 years of clinical experience, you will discover the secrets to true intimacy with your husband that last a lifetime. Your marriage can improve by simply clicking here. (What Husbands Can't Resist)
Since the beginning of time, men have always felt responsible for the happiness of their wife. Even though he might not tell you so, the thought of you being unhappy is painful to your husband. If he feels he cannot please you, that is when he begins to act as if he doesn’t care.
Many married women believe their husbands should know that they are happy, even if outwardly they don’t show it. This is not the case. Men cannot read their minds. They need constant reassurance. Women need to show them, to let them know, in no uncertain terms, specifically when they are happy with them. When a husband does something that produces immediate feedback, this is how he knows to repeat that behaviour. If you like what he did, and he doesn’t see a reaction from you, he will most likely assume his efforts were wasted.
When your verbal and non-verbal signals tell your husband how happy you are, he will take it personally and it will empower him. He has accomplished what he was put on this earth to do, which is to make you happy. It gives him a feeling of contentment and does much for his self-worth.
This secret is but a taste of what you will learn in this link (What Husbands Can't Resist) “What Husbands Can’t Resist.” Based on 17 years of clinical experience, you will discover the secrets to true intimacy with your husband that last a lifetime. Your marriage can improve by simply clicking here. (What Husbands Can't Resist)
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